Shit, yet another paranoid frenzy.

Germy soap pump. This apparently is the begining of the next black plague. They're trying to say that there's millions of harmful bacteria all over your SOAP. What will we need to do next? Burn our hands clean? Constantly wear latex gloves? Absolutely rediculous. Next thing they'll say is tap water is poison.

Michael Jackson is DEAD!!!

Now that I've set the tone, I just wanted to see how many people still read this.
It's 2010, and I'm thirty years old. I'm regressing in my quest for fame. Seems that children don't raise themselves.
So time to throw in a post or two every now and again.

Facebook still dominates actual conversations. The economy had gone to shit. Oil in the Gulf. War still waging. And the green push is getting stronger than ever.

And our second child is a mere 5 months away.

Yup.

My daughter - About 7 Months later.

Sorry, but Fatherhood is busy.

Danielle Anne Hunt

My daughter has stolen my heart.

What's 9 months between friends?

Hello. If you're one of the 6 people that read my blog, you'll see that I haven't touched this in about 9 months. What else happens in 9 months? You can bake up a baby!
Any day now I will become a Dad. This means that everything changes now. I get to warp a mind that I helped create. Wow. I don't think that anyone can actually prepare 100% for a baby, but I think that we'll learn really fast!

I'll make all attempts to update this blog, because I still am not famous.

It's got Lectrolytes!

So I’m driving to hell (work) this morning and a strange commercial comes on the radio. It’s a mother asking a kid if he’s ever done drugs. Kid responds in a dopey voice, “no”. Mother then asks, “You ever done Pot, Crack, Smack, Crank, Blow, Cheeba…..” Kid responds, “No”. Couple more rounds of this with even wackier sounding drug names for effect. So up to now, I’m thinking this is one of those “guilt you into being a parent” ads. Blah blah blah. But then a narrator pipes up and says, “Do you have a drug test in the near future? If so buy Blank Blank Blank’s Home Drug screening test so YOU can know for sure!” What the fuck! Now I have to worry about my parents Narc-ing me out. What ever happened to the time where you could cut third period biology to go get high and not have to worry about your parents asking you to piss in a cup when you got home? What ever happened to parenting and trusting your kids? Wait, let me rephrase that; wanting to trust your kids.

But wait. This will spark a whole new industry for the kids to avoid any kind of punishment in the home. Clean Piss Energy Drink! I can see it now! Timmy and Johnny get into some really good 100% Colombian and don’t want to risk not being able to go to the big school dance this Friday. BAM! Clean Piss Energy Drink to the rescue! Guaranteed to clean your piss and give you a Guarine and Tuarine and other things that end in aurine high! This stuff will fly off the shelves; even parents will use it for routine random drug screening at the office! Cut to Friday night and Timmy and Johnny are handing their cups of piss to the Officer at the door of the dance. “Thanks Clean Piss Energy Drink!” It will replace Gatorade at all sporting events, become the national beverage of choice at all city council events, and replace the need to parent your children altogether!

Rotten to the Core?

Since when did humans get a “core”? I checked all of my elementary school science and health notes, and yes I reference them regularly, and found no signs of the “core”. Maybe Canadians don’t have cores. Maybe it’s just the buff people on the fitness infomercials that have cores. They’re the ones that talk about core strength, core fitness, and working your core. That’s why they look so buff! It’s in their core! Either that or it’s the HGH.

Holy shit. That’s it! HGH not only ruins baseball players chances at a spot in the hall of fame, it also grows a human a CORE! I knew it was something simple like that. HGH is pretty new on the ‘roid scene, and so is core training. It’s all making sense now! So theoretically, I can juice the shit out of myself, purchase a core training system for three equal payments of $29.99 and I will be able to hit a baseball to Cuba.

I wonder if in the near future there will be surgical procedures to add cores to people. Tabloids will have headlines like, “Lindsay Lohan – Shocking pictures after secret core implant surgery!” Oprah will have shows about how women with low self esteem thought that a core implant will make them feel better about themselves. Unfortunately they went to Mexico and had the surgery and now they have to have half of their torso removed. So Oprah gives them a new house and a car and puts their autobiography on her book club list and then they are rich like her. I give it two years.