Rotten to the Core?

Since when did humans get a “core”? I checked all of my elementary school science and health notes, and yes I reference them regularly, and found no signs of the “core”. Maybe Canadians don’t have cores. Maybe it’s just the buff people on the fitness infomercials that have cores. They’re the ones that talk about core strength, core fitness, and working your core. That’s why they look so buff! It’s in their core! Either that or it’s the HGH.

Holy shit. That’s it! HGH not only ruins baseball players chances at a spot in the hall of fame, it also grows a human a CORE! I knew it was something simple like that. HGH is pretty new on the ‘roid scene, and so is core training. It’s all making sense now! So theoretically, I can juice the shit out of myself, purchase a core training system for three equal payments of $29.99 and I will be able to hit a baseball to Cuba.

I wonder if in the near future there will be surgical procedures to add cores to people. Tabloids will have headlines like, “Lindsay Lohan – Shocking pictures after secret core implant surgery!” Oprah will have shows about how women with low self esteem thought that a core implant will make them feel better about themselves. Unfortunately they went to Mexico and had the surgery and now they have to have half of their torso removed. So Oprah gives them a new house and a car and puts their autobiography on her book club list and then they are rich like her. I give it two years.