Long weekend - Time to work?

On long weekends, I often find myself drinking massive amounts of beer and barbecuing anything that I can throw on the Man-B-Q. But other long weekends have a more important purpose.
These are the weekends when your friends get you to do shit for free. They know you aren't going anywhere, so why not assist with Roto-Tilling three acres? Laying 2000 square feet of shag carpet? Delousing the rec room?

These things also come up when you least expect it. Usually you get all geared up to throw back 3 or 27 beers over the course of the weekend, but instead you're assembling a garden shed at the last minute because your buddy's wife asked him to get it put together.

There's no way to plan these tasks either. The instant you start talking about needing help with shit like this it's like the plague hit town. Guys are busy already, going out of town, doing their own chores, or have a chronic case of the gout. You gotta get sneaky and sucker them into it. Use beer and meat as a lure.

But sometimes, and this is really rare, you actually don't mind helping with the work. Usually these tasks outweigh "other" things your wife may want you to do. The lesser of two evils kind of thing. You know, help a guy put up a fence or go shopping for flowers. Pouring a cement walkway in 100 degree heat or choosing your wedding colours. That kind of shit. Make sure that you tell your wife that you HAVE to help. If you mention the importance of the task and how much the other wife wants it done, and if you help him, he'll help with a future project that she wants done. Sometimes she'll let you escape to the land of manliness.

Keep your eyes open gentlemen. Take a look at the whole situation before you commit to assisting in laborious tasks on long weekends. You might end up looking at window treatments all weekend instead of pulling a 350 out of your buddy's pickup.

Pandora Updated

Holy shit. When will it end. Now the US Gubment is enforcing some bullshit legislation that curtails streaming audio.

Here's a post from Pandora explaining what has happened.

May 03, 2007

Breaking Pandora's Heart...

Dear Listeners -

Tonight we began the heartbreaking process of blocking access to Pandora for listeners outside the U.S.

It's hard to think of anything more anathema to who we are than turning off someone's radio, but the current legal realities leave us no choice. While the DMCA provides us a blanket license in the U.S., there is no equivalent in other countries.

For those of you around the world who received our early warning emails, thanks so much for your kind and understanding replies... humbling. It really means a lot to us (even though it makes it doubly hard to do...)

Trust that we will continue working as hard as we can to obtain the licenses we need, and to push for the establishment of effective, centralized licensing bodies around the world. Hopefully this kind of development will add some urgency to the need for reform in the administration of worldwide copyrights.

We will all eagerly await the day when we can turn this back on, so please stay close. To quote our CTO, Tom Conrad: "we'll take good care of your stations in the meantime."

Keep the faith...

Tim (Founder)

Abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous. Now the internet is being policed for musical content, meanwhile a bajillion bukakke porn sites get domains. Where's the priorities people?

I have seen heaven, and it's made of chicken and beer

Over the weekend, my lovely wife and I spent our time in the town of Frankenmuth, Mi. You don't even understand how fantastical this place is. But beware, with the good comes the bad. Here is a short list of the pros and cons.

Pros:

1. Frankenmuth is the location of the only North American distribution center for Hofbrau. That right there ranks it in the Eight Wonders of the World.
2. All you can eat Fried Chicken Dinners. I don't know what they put in this shit, but wow. A metric ass load of side dishes, mashed potatoes that melt in your mouth, stuffing, veggies for colour, buttered noodles, and of course all the delicious fried chicken you can eat. Oh, and Hofbrau on tap! Delishis! There's no need to eat for at least nine days after this feast.
3. Fresh Fudge and places called "haus" and "garten"- need I say more.
4. Hofbrau. Nectar of Bavaria and the official beverage of Mensa.

Cons:

1. It's in the middle of Michigan, which means this side of nowhere.
2. It's a retirement attraction. Old folks by the bus load. This should be outlawed. Old people shouldn't be allowed to clog the streets keeping me from the Hofbrau. Send them to Shitshewana.
3. As the chicken dinners are so absolutely awesome, and they are "all you can eat", it's a magnet for the morbidly obese and every stereotypical NASCAR fan. I find this funny, and constantly get smacked for cracking jokes.
4. The only place to find Hofbrau, (that I've found).

Be warned and maybe consult the intrawebs for further information regarding the dangers of Frankenmuth. But for those that can survive, the rewards are sweet.

How to write a song - by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and a four year old.

Kiss that Dyke I know you want to hold one

Not on strike But I'm about to bowl one

Bite that mic I know you never stole one

Girls that like A story so I told one

Song Bird

Main Line

Cash Back
Hard Top

Welcome to the school of how to write a hit song with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Seems they needed a little inspiration after their hit album, "blood sugar sex magik". I think they went to the Dr. Seuss Academy of Rhyme for some help. Oh Mr. Kiedis, bless us with some ingenious writing skill!

Can I get your hand to write on
Just a piece of lead to bite on
What am I to fly my kite on
Do you want to flash your light on
Take a look its on display - for you
Coming down no not today

Oh my lord. Such talent! How about another?

Did you meet your fortune teller
Get it off with no propeller
Do it up it's always stellar
What a way to finally smell her
Pick it up it's not to strong - for you
Take a piece and pass it on

Oh a face melter! Alright Ant'ny, lets close this mother out with the best of the best.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - do you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - want to
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Bitchin'! Let's get little Johnny Johnson to write your next #1 hit!

Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!
One a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns
If you have no daughters, give them to your sons
One a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns

Genius.

How I won the "lottery" and had it taken from me.

I travel across the Ambassador Bridge between Windsor, On. and Detroit, Mi. almost every day for work. Not usually a problem. I have a commuter pass which allows me to swipe a card to pay my toll which speeds up the process. These toll booths are not attended by personnel and usually have a yellow flashing light or no light on at all above them. From time to time, people swipe their card a couple times because the gate doesn’t raise in the thirty three nanoseconds they think it should, and it causes the gate to stay open after they pass through. This is like hitting the lottery as far as I’m concerned and it happens to me many times.

Last night I saw such an opportunity. When coming back across the border, I pull up to the toll booth area and see one of the lanes with the gate wide open, no light on above and no one in the booth. Kick ass. So I pull up and head on through back to the safety of my home land. And then I hear, “HEY! HEY!” I look in the rear view mirror and see a woman waving her hand out the window of the tool booth at me. Fuck. She pulled a fucking Whodini on me and wasn’t going to let me get away with my free pass.

“DIS A TOW BOOF”, she scolds.

“The gate was open and there wasn’t anyone there. Your light isn’t even on! I come across the border all the time and this happens all the time in the unattended lanes”, I reply.

“Dis a tow boof. You gots to pay tha tow. I down’t cayer if tha gate is open, you pay tha tow.” I pay and then I could swear she said, “Cracka ass Cracka” under her breath. Wow. What the hell do you care? It’s not like the $4 is going to make the bridge go into bankruptcy. When I worked at Wal-Mart, I used watch people shoplift stupid shit all the time. Did I care. Fuck no. Wasn’t my shit, and I certainly wouldn’t see another dime on my paycheck if I stopped them. Trust me, I tried that route.

And if the lane is in service, turn on the fucking light and drop the gate! If the gate is malfunctioning, put some pylons in front of it so no one can drive through! It’s a simple concept.

I hope I get her as a toll booth attendant again. I’ll be ready with 400 pennies for her.

Hoser Dave on the Jalopnik.com

Another blog I read several times daily is Jalopnik.com.
Here's my addition to the boys over there.

http://jalopnik.com/cars/memes-that-suck/snakes-for-a-car-257235.php

So I guess my dog could be worth an 86 Cutlass?

What's it worth to you?

So I read that the asshats at Bell are jacking up the cost of a local call from a payphone from $.25 to $.50! Let me wrap my nugget around this one. The simple fact that payphones are becoming obsolete and more and more people are using cell phones causes the price to double? Wouldn't that make less people use them? You can get pretty cheap pay as you go phone packages out there. I purchased such plan as a safety net in case I got into some car trouble or needed to call a radio station to tell them how shitty their hosts are.

Now I'm even less inclined to grab the receiver of a payphone and brave not getting some incurable disease like dysentery from all the scumbags that rub their garbage all over it as a joke. Why do they do that? Don't they realize that they aren't the first guy to rub the receiver all over their crotch? That's how STD's are really spread. I know. Not from a point of reference, but from science. Bell telephone knows. That's why they're upping the cost of a call to $.50. It's their attempt to stop the spread of syphilis.

I should be on the news.