It's got Lectrolytes!

So I’m driving to hell (work) this morning and a strange commercial comes on the radio. It’s a mother asking a kid if he’s ever done drugs. Kid responds in a dopey voice, “no”. Mother then asks, “You ever done Pot, Crack, Smack, Crank, Blow, Cheeba…..” Kid responds, “No”. Couple more rounds of this with even wackier sounding drug names for effect. So up to now, I’m thinking this is one of those “guilt you into being a parent” ads. Blah blah blah. But then a narrator pipes up and says, “Do you have a drug test in the near future? If so buy Blank Blank Blank’s Home Drug screening test so YOU can know for sure!” What the fuck! Now I have to worry about my parents Narc-ing me out. What ever happened to the time where you could cut third period biology to go get high and not have to worry about your parents asking you to piss in a cup when you got home? What ever happened to parenting and trusting your kids? Wait, let me rephrase that; wanting to trust your kids.

But wait. This will spark a whole new industry for the kids to avoid any kind of punishment in the home. Clean Piss Energy Drink! I can see it now! Timmy and Johnny get into some really good 100% Colombian and don’t want to risk not being able to go to the big school dance this Friday. BAM! Clean Piss Energy Drink to the rescue! Guaranteed to clean your piss and give you a Guarine and Tuarine and other things that end in aurine high! This stuff will fly off the shelves; even parents will use it for routine random drug screening at the office! Cut to Friday night and Timmy and Johnny are handing their cups of piss to the Officer at the door of the dance. “Thanks Clean Piss Energy Drink!” It will replace Gatorade at all sporting events, become the national beverage of choice at all city council events, and replace the need to parent your children altogether!