24 Hr. Jesus

So I'm not on the religious thing. Doesn't seem that important for me to wake up that early on a Sunday morning. But I have noticed some weird things about churches and religion. For instance, the old local bar has turned into a Mennonite church and seems to have Jesus sessions at any odd time of the day. Who chooses what time they get down with the preachin? Was the first guy a big football fan and had them before and after the 1 o'clock game? Get right with God and the Lions will win! Bullshit! I'm pretty sure they're going to open a drive-thru so you can get your fill of Jesus any time you want.

And after a while, wouldn't they finish the bible? It's only like three hundred pages, unless you get one of those ones with the totally awesome pictures of dragons and shit or the ones with the super huge font for the blind people. So once they get through it, do they start again at the beginning? I think that most people don't catch it all every week, that's why they have to keep going back. I'd quit after Jesus invented beer. I think that's chapter two.

Then there's those televangelists. Every time I flip through the dial, I mistake their program for a European soccer match. There's like three hundred thousand people at those things. And why would you go to one of those fiascoes? You can catch it at one of the few churches in your neighbourhood. I think everyone just wants to get on TV. I'd laugh my ass off if someone brought a beach ball and started the wave.

I wonder what it takes to make a church? I think Chotchky should start one. He'd worship turds. I'd join. I bet I could fart in his church.

The First Church of Feces - Brother Chotchky